Twilight: Worse than MTV

There's a lot of hype surrounding the series Twilight. I used to be one of its biggest fans. However, I've read better books since and reread Twilight from an analytical point of view. Boy was I surprised. The book wasn't as good as I used to think! Shocking, I know. Here I will post the reasons why I dislike the series now:

I'll start with Meyer's writing. From the very first page the writing is choppy and clichéd. She uses phrases like 'her cheeks were red as tomatoes' and 'my blood was boiling'. She's also repetitive, repeatedly using words such as stone, shining, cold, etc. Not only that, but her writing is full of purple prose; I could skip over paragraphs full of unnecessary description. Hell is paved with adverbs, my friend, and Meyer has surely created about a mile of purple prose leading to the inferno. In one sentence she uses ten adjectives! Her fans may say this is descriptive, but it distracts the reader from the plot and characters. For example, saying 'I sat at the wooden desk holding my number two pencil and looked up at the large, opaque chalkboard' is unnecessary. You could easily say 'I sat at my desk holding a pencil and looked up at the chalkboard'. Meyer, however, doesn't see anything wrong with her constant ramblings about insignificant concepts. The only thing she flaunts is her vocabulary, which she inserts to impress her readers. I call it thesaurus rape; Twilighters call it genius.

The story is so cliché High School Musical pales in comparison. The new kid in town routine was fine, but then it fell into the annoying clichés of the main character not fitting in but being admired from afar and 'the mysterious boy in the cafeteria'. Bella annoyed me greatly. She is shallow and dislikes Eric (who tries to help her) because he has oily hair and acne, saying he is 'overly helpful'. I don't believe anyone is overly helpful and she should be glad that someone approached her and tried to help her. Another girl introduces her to her friends and yet she can't remember their names. Then, she is completely infatuated by the pale beautiful loners who aren't talking to anyone. She immediately falls in love with Edward based on the fact that he's hot. However, when he's not immediately in love with her, she proceeds to sulk and mope, forgetting her would-be friends. This actually shows the author's shallowness, as well.

Bella's whiny, constantly complaining that nothing ever goes the way she wants. She depends on Edward like humans depend on oxygen. When he left, she was on the verge of committing suicide. That's not a healthy relationship, and definitely not romantic. She is obsessed with becoming a vampire just so she can be with a man she thinks is hot. Not only that, she is meant to be "perfect", her only flaw being her clumsiness (which is a "Mo weakness"), and everyone in school falls in love with her. Mary Sue doesn't even begin to describe it. This is mainly because she is a self-insert. Ever notice the similarities between Bella and the author? The long brown hair and eyes, and all of the features described. Hell, Kristin Stewart even looks a bit like her. Not only is she a self-insert for SMeyer, but for most teenage girls who want the perfect, protecting boyfriend. It's so easy to place yourself in Bella's shoes because of her lack of personality. That's what attracts so many youths.

Let's not forget Edward, Mary Sue's partner in crime; perfect, loving Eddy who manages to be the knight in shining armor (or skin, for that matter) without any flaws whatsoever. However, I fail to see a personality beneath that mysterious demeanor. I would never want a man so controlling, obsessive, and stalker-like. He watches her sleep and appallingly, Bella is only concerned with him hearing her sleep talk. She was flattered when he said he likes watching her. He breaks her car to "protect" her, preventing her from seeing her "friends". Why doesn't he just stay with her?! Oh, because he's too busy being the mysterious pretty vampire. Sorry, vampire is an insult. More like shiny, animal-eating, stone-like...thing.

I was especially annoyed by Midnight Sun, and Edward's view on his fellow students. It's mostly the author's fault for believing the entire human race has the same, petty thoughts. She inserts these beliefs into Eddy with his supersized ego and claims that all the humans are pathetic in their way of thinking (well, except for Bella's, whose thoughts aren't apparent to him [mainly because she doesn't have any except for "OMG, isn't he hawt?!]). I know a lot of people have worries outside of boyfriends, homework, and the medial life within school grounds. SMeyer just wants to paint Bella in the picture that she is "different", when in actuality, she fits in quite nicely with the background.

The rest of the characters are equally annoying and seem to be in the story to add a comment or two. Their back stories don't add anything to them because they are just plot devices. I can never sympathize with any of them for they have no depth and are extremely unrealistic. Jacob didn't even become a main character until the second book, when Bella went borderline psychotic. He was a relatively good character, even though by the end of the book and in Eclipse, his "almost" character was massacred by SMeyer. She basically turned him into a rapist. I can't even begin to describe what she did to him in Breaking Dawn (SPOILER Imprints on Bella's baby SPOILER).

The Cullen family is full of sparkling stereotypes: Emmet, the strong one, Alice, the carefree one, Rosalie, the beautiful one; Jasper, the new one; Edward, the mysterious one; Carlisle, the father figure; and Esme, the mother figure. Their stereotypes define them. I was most disappointed with Rosalie, and her unfailing perfection. SMeyer tried to earn some sympathy with her back-story, but it turned her into an even bigger Mary Sue. The rest of the characters are also defined by their appearances, and not who they actually are. So much could have been done with the Cullens to make them interesting and believable, despite the fact that they defy the vampire mythos, but SMeyer ignores their potential to focus on Edward and Bella. The humans are ignored even more ignored than the vampire family. I forget half of their names, just because they're deemed insignificant.

I hate it when people claim Twilight is a romance. I have found no romance in this book; obsession and smut is not romance, especially when it's based off of looks and blood. That's another thing; there is no true relationship between the two main characters. Edward just thinks she smells good and Bella just thinks he's beautiful. Kisses and one-liners are not romance, either. Conversation, laughter, and love make up a romance. Saying "you are exactly my brand of heroine" is not a conversation, just a pick-up line. Relationships take time and energy. There are pitfalls that don't involve werewolves and the danger of being with each other. They're called emotions, and they change. There are rises and falls in the relationship. Yet somehow Edward always wants to be with Bella, even after the numerous times she had betrayed him. He's completely naive, and she's a deceitful little witch.

And if any Twilighters use the Romeo and Juliet argument, I will just have to tell them the plain and simple truth: Romeo and Juliet didn't have a relationship. The Tragedy was not supposed to be a love story, not truly. It's revered for its writing, not its romance. Romeo and Juliet do have similarities to Edward and Bella; the fell in love too quickly, they'd kill themselves if they didn't have each other, they don't really have lives outside of their relationship, and both of their relationships are completely unbelievable. However, there is one major difference between the two stories: the writing. And that's where Twilight falls short.

There are plot holes so big they could devour a universe. How in the good Lord's name can Edward produce sperm when Meyer herself explained that he cannot reproduce? And what sacrifice did Bella make? She always wanted to be a vampire. That brings up another subject: the deus ex machina. For those of you who don't know, it's when an author introduces an improbable device to solve any plot difficulties. Breaking Dawn is a good example of this. We all expected a confrontation, but Meyer does not want to kill any of her characters off (she is completely enamored with her two-dimensional creations). So, instead we get a conversation. She conveniently inserts plot devices so the story turns out in a 'happily ever after' manner, which is exactly what happened in Breaking Dawn.

I have major issues with Breaking Dawn; the C-section with the teeth, the lack of sacrifice, the fact that Bella is a perfect little vampire. It seemed all along Bella was born to be a vampire. She could block other vampires’ powers, even though she was not one herself. SMeyer never informs us how this can be. Bella's parents aren't vampires, and that wouldn't be possible. So how could she do those things? And don't get me started on the child's name. Renesmee Carlie Cullen. There are books for that, you know. And guess who imprints on the demon child? Jacob Black. It's not very surprising, though, after Quil imprinted on a two-year-old. Soon enough werewolves-er...I mean shape shifters will be imprinting on fetuses. Also, Smeyer destroys mythical creatures. She started with vampires, and ended with shape shifters.

I could go on, but I'm sure no one made it this far. If you want examples from the book, just ask me, and I can surely find one. And, please, PLEASE, don't hate me because I don't like the book. I just don't think the hype is worth it.